The following incident report was recorded on May 17th, 1994, by Mystery Movies Multimedia Incorporated (MMMI) for training purposes.

<Begin Recording>

KEVIN: Mystery Movies: service with a smile till the Witching Hour, my name is Kevin, how can I help you?

CHLOE: Yeah, hey, my name is Chloe Valina, I was there this morning.

KEVIN: Yeah? Oh, right! You were the one with the [REDACTED] t-shirt! What's up?

CHLOE: I had a few issues with one of the movies we rented, and I had a couple of questions.

KEVIN: Okay?

CHLOE: I was picking up a list of rentals for my boyfriend, and we were in the middle of watching one of them, and a lot of weird things started happening.

KEVIN: It’s a full moon tonight. Peak romantic ambiance.

CHLOE: No. Well, yeah, but that’s not it. A lot of strange things have been going on ever since we put on one of the movies we rented, and I think the video might be the cause of it.

KEVIN: Which movie was it?

CHLOE: Necronomicon.

KEVIN: The Motion Picture? Yeah, I saw it. The book was better. What’s happening?

CHLOE: Well, we found it in the horror section, but we started watching it and it’s just one of those pretentious Eurotrash art films—nothing but weird still-shots and Latin chanting or whatever.

KEVIN: Early-Syrian. Go on.

CHLOE: So we turned the movie off so we could… well, you know, and out of nowhere the doorbell started ringing, but no one was there. At first, I thought we were being ding-dong-ditched or something, but it kept ringing even when I was alone on the front porch.

KEVIN: Sounds like a problem you should take up with an electrician.

CHLOE: I thought that, too, but other weird things started happening. Windows opening and closing by themselves, lights flickering, whispering noises over the phone. My mom’s Hummel figurines would be in their cabinet, then I turn away for a second, and then I see all of them scattered all over the house, like they just got up and moved by themselves.

KEVIN: Uh-huh.

CHLOE: Then my little brother came down to bug us like usual, but this time he was acting weird. Like, new kinds of weird.

KEVIN: Like “crawling on the ceiling, speaking in tongues,” weird?

CHLOE: Yeah, actually, how did you know?

KEVIN: Lucky guess. What else?

CHLOE:  Well, I went to put the little brat back to bed, and when I came back down, Devin’s [REDACTED] had been torn out, and now his blood is everywhere!

KEVIN: Who’s Devin?

CHLOE: My boyfriend!

KEVIN: So that means you're single now?

CHLOE: What?

KEVIN: What?

CHLOE: …anyway, I followed the blood trail to the bathroom, and there he was, swimming in the toilet!

KEVIN: Devin?

CHLOE: No, Glubby!

KEVIN: Who?

CHLOE: My goldfish. Poor thing died, and I had to flush him last week. Now he’s back and swimming in my toilet. I remember him being just a normal goldfish. Now he’s all bloated and covered in glowing warts. He can barely fit in the bowl.

KEVIN: Sounds like you’ll need to call a plumber.

CHLOE: Or an exorcist. Glubby wasn’t nearly this foul-mouthed before I flushed him, and the commode is full of blood. That can’t be good for him.

KEVIN: No, it isn’t. Sorry to say, ma’am, but an exorcist isn’t going to be any help. That house is beyond saving.

CHLOE: Then what should I do?

KEVIN: One sec. [papers shuffling] Our records say that the film isn’t due for another week. Simply rewind and return the tape before the due date, and it’ll be fine.

CHLOE: “Fine” how?

KEVIN: No late fees. Anything else I can help you with?

CHLOE: How will that unmurder my boyfriend?

KEVIN: It won’t.

CHLOE: What about my brother? Or Glubby? I know that freaky video did something to them. If my parents see all of this, they’re going to be super pissed, and I don’t know how to explain any of this to them! I wasn’t supposed to be having any boys over, and now I have a boy’s blood all over our white leather couch and rug! Not to mention my brother’s foaming at the mouth, refusing to go to bed! [Shuffling sounds outside the phone line] Hey! Get down from there!

UNKNOWN: [REDACTED] you, Chloe! Bring me offerings of blood! And I want Oreos! Blood and Oreos!

CHLOE: You’re not getting any Oreos! Go back to bed! [violence noise, followed by roars, snarling from an unknown animal, and something heavy smashing to pieces.] I know it’s your video that did this, and I need help!

KEVIN: Look, Ms., if you check the Terms and Conditions of your Mystery Movies Membership, you will see that our company cannot be held responsible for any damages or dissatisfaction from any of our products.

CHLOE: Devin? Devin! You’re okay! But how are you– wait, no! Put down that– AHHH! [click]

KEVIN: Hello? … Hello, Chloe? You still there? Hello? Ah well. [click]

<End Recording>